Family Fued
by Poetic Psychosis
Summary: When the X-Men have a disagreement, things get out of hand.


It wasn't a very special day at the X-Mansion. It was Friday, and it was raining and it slow. There hadn't been anything going on that needed the direct attention of the X-Men.  
Sam Guthrie, the X-Man known as Cannonball, didn't like sitting around on his duff and doing nothing. He'd already read Moby Dick, and A Tale of Two Cities, and he was about to start on another book, some cheesy romance novel he got from Rogue.  
"Ah'm so sick an tired of just sittin 'ere an doin nothin," Sam said as he dropped the book on his bed and stood slowly. It was getting late and it was movie night in the mansion, he didn't want to miss the flick, unless of course, Jean got to pick again.  
  
"Scott. You can't miss movie night again. It's one of the only times we ever to get to sit with the rest of the team and have family time," the firey red-head scolded. Jean Grey-Summers, the number two resident Telepath at the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters, was tired of trying to pry her husband, Scott Summers, the resident Boy-Scout of the Institute, from his work to spend some time with her.  
"Fine, just stay down here and work on the danger room sequences all night again, I don't care," Jean huffed as she spun on her heel and marched out of the control room.  
Scott just nodded, it seems he missed the better part of that conversation, "Alright, I'll just stay here and work on the sequences. Hey! Can you bring me some popcorn?"  
Jean didn't even turn around, she just sent the mental message to her husband as she turned down the hall toward the main part of the house, -"Don't count on it, and I hope you like the couch, because that's where you're sleeping for the next month!"-  
  
Rogue sat in the living room, curled up in a small green velvet chair, her long and slender legs danglin over one arm. In her right hand was the remote control for the television, "Oh please Sugah, that man is not even close, not by a long shot." She was watching a re-run of Jerry Springer, like she usually did.  
No one was really sure why they let her watch that show in the first place; she always ended up yelling at the television, or throwing something at the wall.  
Seated on the couch not far away, but ever vigilant, was Logan, the Wolverine. "I think we'd all be better off if you didn't watch that crap, Rogue. I tell you, if you smash another T.V. you'll have to deal with six claws, and they'll have your name on 'em." He wasn't the sweetest of men, hell he wasn't even in the top two million, but he made his points like no other man could, at the tips of razor sharp claws and feral instincts.  
"Yeah? Anytime ya wanna tussle, midget, Ah'll be here," Rouge taunted in a rather childlike manner. It seemed lack of work wasn't bothering just Sam, cabin fever seemed to be running rampant through the mansion.  
"What are you two arguing about this time?" It was Henry McCoy, resident genius, and all around smart-ass. He loped in from the kitchen with a grin on his face, and a bag of potato chips in hand. "It is movie night, I'm sure you two are aware, and if I remember correctly, our lady Jean has already picked the film for which we shall sit happily through, or rather more likely, complain about until the next time she picks a stinker."  
The front door burst open and in walked the form of the Cajun and the Time-traveler. Gambit and Bishop, respectively. "That is not what I said LeBeau, and you are well aware of it. Had I said something about her breasts, it would not have been, and I quote, "Them's some nice, perky titties ya got there.""  
The stare that brought from Logan, Hank, and Rogue, made Bishop's gaze fall to his feet.  
Gambit, slapped Bishop's shoulder with a laugh, "Ha ha! No worries ami, it was jus' a bit o'fun. No harm done." Gambit walked over took Rogue's ever-gloved hand in his, and kissed the knuckles gently, "Ja missed me, right, Chere?"  
The answer was clear, as Rogue backhanded the Cajun with her free hand, "Where tha hell were ya Remy? Ya had me worried ta all hell, I figgered ya'd gotten Bishop in trouble, again. Remember what happened tha last time ya'll went out? It took us three day ta figure out ya were in jail."  
Gambit just chuckled lightly, "Now dun be that way. I jus' took Bish out to see if some of the Cajun's magic could him a piece of..."  
Rogue cut him off with another slap to the face, "Ah don't see why ya hang out with him at all, Bish. He's trouble and ya know it."  
Bishop shrugged and flopped onto the couch next to Hank, "He asked me to go out with him. It would be rude to refuse when I didn't have anything better to do."  
Hank and Logan both laughed at this statement. Logan made a muffled comment and went back to his cigar, and Hank spoke up, leaning over to mock- whisper in Bishop's ear. "You should not be worried about being rude to the Cajun. He did, after all, invent the true meaning of rudeness."  
Gambit sat on the floor next to Rogue, and Jean came walking into the room, her expression not one happiness. She took her seat in the gigantic red-leather chair, and let out a huff, "I swear that man gets more turned on working on his machines, then working on me."  
At just that moment in walked Piotr, or Pete, as most of the X-Men called him. "The popcorn is done, but I'm afraid the kitchen is as well. Thank you for leaving, Henry; I didn't need your help anyway." Pete dropped the three large bowls of popcorn on the coffee table, and brought an unbelieving stare from the rest of the X-Men.  
"You expect us to eat that crap, Russkie? I wouldn't feed that stuff to Creed, and he'd probably die if I did," Logan teased. The popcorn was black all around, or as Remy would call it, Cajun Style.  
The door opened again, this time without the banter or the slamming. In the doorway stood Warren Worthington, the Angel. He shook the water from his feathered wings before coming fully into the mansion. "Tell me you didn't start the movie without me... again." He walked over and slid a footstool underneath him as he sat. He noticed the popcorn and just looked to Pete with a knowing expression.  
There was a slight sound in the kitchen, a *Bamf* if you will, followed by the sound of someone rummaging through the refrigerator. "Ach! Piotr vas cooking, I see." There was another *bamf* and then a second, and there he was, Kurt Warner, resident Blue Teleporting-in-a-cloud-of- brimstone Elf and acrobat. Kurt squeezed between Bishop and Hank on the couch and started to crunch his way through a carrot. "So, vat's the movie?"  
Jean looked at Kurt and smiled lightly, "It's the Bridges of Madison County, Kurt. Would you please try to get Scott to came and join us?"  
Kurt nodded and *bamf* he was gone in a cloud of brimstone and sulfur.  
Then Sam came down the stairs, "Ah kin hear ya'll bickerin from upstairs. Tell me it wasn't Jeanie's pick... again." He walked over and found that all the good seats were taken. He sighed, "Left with the cheap seats again Ah see." He moved behind the couch and sat upon a stool, resting his chin on the, back of the couch.  
Who knows where she came from, but she came in a rather joyful mood. Jubilation Lee or Jubilee came waltzing into the living room carrying a chair along with her. A bubble formed out of her mouth and exploded, covering her always present sunglasses, blinding her. "Whoa man. Not again!" She tripped, and the wooden chair went flying through the air, catching an rather preoccupied Remy in the back.  
Rogue let out a burst of laughter that echoed through the mansion, "HAHAHA! That's what git fer bien a letcher, Lover Boy."  
Bishop moved to help Jubilee back to her feet, "Gum," he said, holding out his hand in front of her face.  
Jubilee looked up at him and sneered, "Why you always gotta ruin my fun Bish?" She knew how to get to him, and she planned on it right now. With a wild snort, Jubilee spit the gum into Bishop's palm, along with a fair amount of slimy green mucus and spit.  
Bishop's face contorted into a look of pure disgust as the rest of the group laughed. Logan made an especially nasty comment towards the big, black man.  
"Serves ya right Bish. You should have told her spare you the mucus this time. You're some kind of idiot to fall for the same trick twice in two days," Logan laughed. The comment might not have been totally nasty, but it did the trick.  
Bishop turned and raised his eyebrows at the little man, "You found that funny? Well then I bet you'll love this..." with a flick of his wrist, Bishop sent the entire glob splattering into Logan's face. Covering a fair expanse, including his cigar.  
"Aw man, that is so gross," Jubilee and Sam said at the same time, though Sam sounded generally disgusted, Jubilee couldn't stop laughing.  
Logan didn't even look at Bishop, his attention went directly to Jubilee, and she was laughing the hardest of the group. "Now why do you laugh at me, darlin?" Faster than she could react, Logan had a pillow in hand and was swinging for the fences. He connected directly with her head and sent her glasses flying through the air.  
Pete was there to catch them, but in doing so he smashed them to pieces. "Oh my. I am terribly sorry little one. These were our favorite, am I right?" He barely got the question out before Jubilee was on top of him, fists flying and feet kicking.  
"YOU COMMIE BASTARD! I LOVED THOSE GLASSES," she screamed as she tried to her hands to his face. She was pissed and it showed, she was going right for the eyes, and Pete couldn't put up Steel-skin armor with his concentration on keeping her fingernails from his eyeballs.  
Logan had gotten the mucus from his face and sat watching the slight tussle, when Rogue intervened, pulling Jubes off Pete like she was hefting a sack of potatoes for an old woman. "Now Shug, he didn't mean..." she was cut off quick.  
"You put her down," came the voice of the small bundle of hate, Logan. He was barreling toward the girls at full speed. He reached out to grab Jubilee from the bigger Rogue, when he felt a hand on his back. The next thing he knew he was face first against the back of the T.V.  
"Dun jou tell Chere what ta do an what not ta do," Remy stood behind Logan, his hand still on his back. He had caught the little man by surprise, and put his face through the T.V. screen.  
Then it was Remy's turn to feel it on the receiving end. With one fell swoop, Hank was there with Remy's arm in gripped his massive hand. "Now Remy, just calm down. We're family here; we don't put each other through television sets." Hank got a quick shot to the ribs and roared in pain. He lifted Remy by the arm, and it snapped at the elbow, due to the placement of Hank's grip.  
Hank released the screaming Remy, and yes, he did scream like a little girl, and turned to face his attacker. As he turned he caught a glimpse of Angel and Rogue exchanging blows and going toe to toe. He saw Jubilee and Pete going at it once again. Then he felt that searing pain again as he looked into the eyes of Bishop.  
"Stay out of this Hank, I don't want to have to...." smash, Bishop's eyes rolled in their sockets as Hank caught him unaware with the flower pot across the head.  
Jean decided it was time to calm everyone down, but as soon as she began, Jubilee went flying, landing in her chair upside down.  
Colossus was there all of a sudden and Jean was in a headlock she couldn't struggle out of. She decided to force him to sleep using her telepathic power of suggestion. Pete hit her once in the face with a balled up fist before he passed out.  
That didn't help Jean though, he had a grip like a bear trap, and she slowly slipped out of consciousness. They both fell against the wall, out of the game.  
Sam leaned back against the door frame, out of harms way and smiled. "Now this is what Ah call fun. If only Bobby an Ororo were here, we'd not only be in deep trouble cuz of the trashed mansion, but we'd be freezing, and most likely wet, windy and fried too." Sam saw Warren go down as Rogue smashed a chair over his head, and decided he'd try to keep the fights one on one.  
He skirted the action and got to Rogue just as she was about to clobber the freshly standing Bishop. With a well placed kicked and a shout of warning, Sam managed to get Rogue to turn on him as Bishop fired catching her square in the back. Luckily, Sam noticed that Bish was using the Non-lethal rifle instead of its more deadly counter part.  
Before long Sam had managed to outsmart, out maneuver and just plain trick whoever was left standing. Let it be known, you never discount the Cornpone. He's as tricky as they come, and everyone trusts him.  
Scott and Kurt were suddenly in the living room and found Sam standing there, leaning against the door frame, a smile on his face. Logan was still stuffed into the television, and Rouge was uncomfortably facing the wall unconscious.  
Hank and Bishop were in a violent, yet unmoving struggle. Neither of which had the will to win, since Sam and smashed their faces together and put them both out.  
Jubilee was upside down in a chair and Pete was slouched against the wall, Jean's head in a permanent headlock, her face bruised from Pete's fist.  
Warren was where he had fallen when hit by Rogue, and Gambit was slouched in the corner. He'd tried to get back into the fight and help Bishop, only meet Sam first and catch the same fate as Bishop and Hank, except with the use of a Kinetically charged blast field around his fist to accentuate his point.  
"Sam...? Did I we mss the movie?" Scott and Kurt brushed some debris off the couch and took a seat. They were soon followed by Sam, who told them what movie was in.  
"Ach! Scott, Can ve vatch Die Hard, instead?" he asked as he stood and took the tape from the VCR.  
Scott and Sam smiled as they looked at each other, "Good pick, Kurt. Put it in and we'll have nice Bruce Willis movie night," Scott said as he realized the television was stuffed with Logan. "On second thought, we better go to the Rec Room to watch it."  
Sam looked at the unconscious bodies of the X-Men for a moment, "Scott, don't you think we should..." he stopped and picked something up off the floor, "Never mind, I found the chips. Let's go."  
And so Scott, Kurt and Sam had a nice and peaceful viewing of the action packed movie Die Hard, and no interruptions. 


End file.
